In Memoriam to Identity

something about desire which comes from being with another

2007-09-22T14:52:38Z

I'm wanting more than I have.
more than i'm allowed to want. more than I can I have.

i'm wanting you to want me
the way I want you

and right now I know that you dont have
but I want it none-the-less

and I can palm this off as something else, which I will do if asked
each and every time

and I know I will, each and everytime
I see you,

but I want it nonetheless

sport before bed

2007-09-17T12:15:46Z

Making a plan to take this play
I've signed you up in my head.
I scratch lines in the dirt and walk them
open legge'd

I’m gonna call out your team
And kiss them sweet
And bright and wet
And red.
Running Red
Red rover red.

I'll take to the field and stand you centre of it

I'll hand out the oranges to each and every one of you.
Each and every one of you…. Each and every one of you

I will place my bets and collect on them all

a lover that sighs

2007-09-06T12:19:19Z

No wonder i feel like i do - look at the words i keep listening to.
Not the healthiest when there are impending marriages in the air

Part of me
Has Died
And won't return
And part of me
Wants to hide
The part that's burned

Once, once
Knew how to talk to you
Once, once
But not anymore

Hear the sirens call me home
Hear the sirens call me home
Hear the sirens call me home
Hear the sirens call me home

Part of me
Has vied
To watch it burn
And the heart of me
Has tried
But look what it's become

Once, once
I knew how to look for you
Once, once
But that was before
Once, once
I would have laid down to died for you
Once, once
But not anymore.

Glen Hansard - Lies Lyrics

I think it's time, we give it up
And figure out what's stopping us
From breathing easy, and talking straight
The way is clear if you're ready now
The volunteer is slowing down
And taking time to save himself

The little cracks they escalated
And before you know it is too late
For making circles and telling lies

You're moving too fast for me
And I can't keep up with you
Maybe if you slowed down for me
I could see you're only telling
Lies, lies, lies
Breaking us down with your
Lies, lies, lies
When will you learn

The little cracks they escalated
And before you know it is too late
For making circles and telling lies

You're moving too fast for me
And I can't keep up with you
Maybe if you'd slowed down for me
I could see you're only telling
Lies, lies, lies
Breaking us down with your
Lies, lies, lies
When will you learn

So plant the thought and watch it grow
Wind it up and let it go

So
If you ever want something
You call, you call
And I'll come running to fight
And I'll be at your door
And there's nothing worth running for

When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to change it
When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to stop it

You see you're just like everyone
When you share your falls
All you want to do is run away
And hide all by yourself
When there's fall, there's fall
There's nothing else

When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to change it
When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point even talkin'
When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to fight it
When your mind, your mind

There's no point trying to change it
When your

So
If you ever want something
Then you call, call
Then I'll come running

You must've fallen from the sky
You must've shattered on the runway
you've brought so many to the light
And now you're by yourself

There comes a point in every fight
When giving up seems like the only way
When everyone one has said goodbye
And now you're on your own

If you need somewhere to fall apart
Somewhere to fall apart
The rules of cain ,the rights you've made
The owls that caw, for those to blame
The broken glass, the fool that asked
The moving arrow to stop

You must've fallen from the sky
You must've come here in the pourin' rain
You took so many through the light
And now you're on your own

If you need somewhere to fall apart
Somewhere to fall apart
The ruins of man, the bloody black
The fool that bull the prouder hag
The night the makes the rattle ack
The wolves that follow the outed man
The falling star the way we are
The vern
The rules that never ever mulitply

You must've fallen from the sky
You must've come here on the wrong way
You came among us every time
But now you're on your own

If you need somewhere to fall apart
Somewhere to fall apart
The call you seek, the basket case
The rules of thumb you have to break
The raging skull, The rag to the bull
The nails that drag in either hand
Well I will make my worker that
I know this place
I know this time

You must've fallen from the sky

Dia-Tribe

2007-09-04T11:58:07Z

Cest Sur'

Our weather is revolting against
the Man about Town.

The flying things are circling
our city
to-night long

and all I can think of is,
imagine how must fuel they're wasting.

I picture what it's like up there
throning on that seat.
"Is it hard to stay up in such a sky tonight?"

What soundtrack strokes his cock-pit
and accompanies the time?

Are there receptions for his line that high?
Is he drunk on messages from short skirts
adoring such Strident Masculinity

"Does it entertain You entitled to such a
task
        of Protection."

"Do You feel part of the Chosen Few now and
Tell me really;
How much does it cost to stay up that long?

And what happens when you come down? "


                                                                           - When thinking of someone whose job it is right now in such a

Task of Protection

the frames

2007-09-03T10:52:03Z

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=58854586

my new obsession.

they remind me of all the things I try to forget.
they make me think of what it was to be in love, and lose my mind over the smallest details
and they teach me what i used to know of the wrappings around everything.

to surge and swarm

Just like Heaven

2007-08-16T08:24:22Z

Show me Show me Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream she said
The one that makes me laugh she said
And threw her arms around my neck

Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I’ll run away with you
I’ll run away with you

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow

Why are you so far away? she said
Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you
That I’m in love with you

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You’re just like a dream
- You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes

And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

Lullaby

2007-08-15T12:25:22Z

"I must've had this
obvious lust
written about me.
Little girl lust
written all about me".

                                     - When thinking of my
                                        face everytime
                                       She walked in.

Show me how you do that trick

2007-08-14T09:57:37Z

After Near Tears and a RREALLLY big situation,

I finally managed to secure tickets to the Tegan and Sarah concert!!!!!
thankyou ticketek - but really you need to think about getting direct debit - what centrury is ticket buying living in?

www.ticketek.com.au

I have been musically blessed this week!

What with seeing The Cure on Sunday night (I cant even begin to exclaim over the absolutely amazing concert that was) and the next day procurring T & S tickets,
all in Melbourne (the slowly creeping up to be the BCE (best city Eva),

I know there will be music in my heaven!

Melbourne was for me , this weekend,

things like this,

code name 54 finding out she will have a foot in every type of blog world soon...!
GFY (quite frankly yuk) - as a best ever accronym, and completely useable
Being rejected from 2! Ghey bars in Melbourne - whilst sober, and with other hot hot resbians and gay boys! Then spending the evening planning my professional revenge
Love advice from the stranger at the next table - we could've sampled that

maryjanecassady
finding the best jeans in Melbourne - and paying that much for them!
Winning the Hat War - b/c it looks so Much better on me
Stone spotting, and finding the perfect wife - she is soo yours
finding the delicious substitue for electric blankets, and being lucky enough to take it on my travels next year :)
Finishing a Great book in a day (regained spead reading ability)
Being ID'ed on Smith Street Melbourne Victoria
Seeing someone from that long ago...
Supporting my community in Red
Seeing Carmen
listening to the worst use of speakers! and finding out the best fluff for intelligence, from the one who knows me
and all the other fun stuff that happened,

I cant stop listening to them now,
Love Cats, so wonderfully pretty...

A marriage of words

2007-08-07T11:16:20Z

All over me

Appendix:

To give full expression to contradictory or complementary impulses and attitudes

Now the other girls are all about me,

Prancing on stage
Swarming with self ardent importance
by your appointment they
cause my mind to circle and

I broke the dish while washing up

Did you notice?

I slam the doors

And steal back any gift I can find

Which I once offered so freely

To you

I want to scream down her throat

Right into that stomach you lie against.

Plant seeds of the distrust

Which you have wreathed all about me.

She sits there

On my stage

In my play,

Looking at my script.

Full of blanket compliments

send/t across this space,

Penetrating my ether with such
Insidious by-lines which
you do not discern

From her eyelash tinted tone.

And I wrote her in

With such a part to play;

I lined her up

For this

Such irony

We act at

subetha @ 2007-08-07T18:44:00

2007-08-07T09:03:32Z

Progressions of a seaweed girl
29/11/06

Lingering onwards (slow as seaweed)
distant like the smile of a
reflection
on my landscape of water
we begin

slipping downwards
she speaks with melodies
that slide the silk of a
thigh

underwater sweets
sweets underwater

slowly sinking (she is the anchor
I could disarm upon)
when she chooses this swimming\

a bliss -

into my space

this lingering lowly sea girl is
when sipping the sucking
with alternate motion

making music in a native tongue

subetha @ 2007-08-02T20:39:00

2007-08-02T10:43:20Z

Slipping

Tripping

Treading

Spreading

subetha @ 2007-08-01T21:07:00

2007-08-01T12:30:49Z

You said you found the way
To traverse meaning, transcribe space
And trespass time
With a passion of permanency

So I track your palimpsest in this slow pace
And the ships sail sideways on your world

And the islands offer their lakes as sacrifice to your worship
Their banks are silent statues with quicksand openings to places underneath

Off the quay to sink beneath

Map me the reeds,
And I'll spend my life hollowing out
To breathe my last four breaths getting back to you

I can dive that low

affectionate declarations mean more in public,

2007-07-29T11:03:37Z

Happy Birthday to my sweet,

I hope you like the story I wrote for you, where we both sailed in another time and place,
desperately rich, independent and aristocratic. (just how you like it)

where we travelled on many an oceanliner, continent exploring
with many dashing handsome suitors by our side.

Devishly important and entirely beyond reproof.

Taking our pleasure to the fullest and in high light.

And the champagne we consumed at such birhtday parties being perfectly scandalous!
the fun the fun!

Well all that being said, about a time outside, I look forward to celebrating 2007 birthdays just the same in the uncertain place we look to be at present.

Until in person, I offer all my love and affection via the written language, pretty picture cards and shuffling sounds.

I so miss you and so look forward to seeing you next.

Sometimes I wonder if we did not have it better back then? in those days of pure lady of leisure style.
Though, until we find things again about lazing in some parlour, surrounded by dazzling dizzying beauties,
I guess I am lucky enough that I have you at all.
cest sur

Bisous ma cherie/
je'taime

Best wishes for your birthday from the humble and devoted
xxx

subetha @ 2007-07-28T23:12:00

2007-07-28T13:16:04Z

alos

all loss

also

alas

spring haze

2007-07-26T11:37:09Z

CHARACTER PROFILES

Eness

Forming words with meaning in mind;
Planted inner or within

Suffix forming adjectives with her meaning;
following the element to which she is added
Performing a specified action
Causing a specified process and being in such specified contention.
How astringent and convenient

Forming nouns, denoting conditions.
Someone who performs her specified action and
Causes a specified process;
So regent and
Nutrient

(the tree that walks to me)

Middle English via old French
Entertain entangle and entail.
Enthral and

Entice entirely

Entombed in her consequence

Entranced in her substance

Entirely entrenched via her entropy being ways,
She causes the resulting absence of form, pattern and differentiation,
Such a paradoxical process of becoming,

That leads to this.

Expectations to meet and be met

2007-01-23T01:00:55Z

I need clarification of LJ etiquette:

Are the details exposed in entries allowed to be discussed between people in the concrete of one's physical reality?

When one is Lj friends with someone, as well as actual in the flesh friends - are both/either parties allowed to refer to details (sometimes explicit) written up in LJ when meeting in the flesh?

Or is there a code of silence shrouding my journal so that when we meet - we may secret handshake, nod three times and wink the left eye - but then leave it at that?

And what happens when the friendship one shares on LJ varies in the level of intensity to that of the friendship in flesh friendship?

How many comments are to be made before a BFFE friendship is established and is this automatically transferred into flesh life?

Am I allowed to share interpretations of my LJ/flesh friends deepest tribulations diatribed online with those of the outer sanctum (those not linked to LJ)?

Conversely where do the obligations of my LJ and in the flesh friends and those that are both, lay?

Where is the code of conduct displayed?

I'm in a grey area right now................

Soy Sipping Ninnies

2007-01-11T00:09:35Z

Cited from email banter between myself and friend, whilst wasting time, as we do, on a regular work shift

: "So THAT’S why I am a hauxmo!!!!!!"

http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53327

This article must be read before following LJ entry to appreciate full hilarity.

: "Is tht site for real or a joke????????????????????

There are ‘conservative t-shirts’ MenAricans are so Bizzaro.

I am going to send that article to my friend Nat*sh^ at work - the one who is pregga.

Let her know what she may be in for if she ‘chooses’ soy.

It sounds like hodwollop – but in response to that Jim dude – I say ‘thanks man’ now i know i really WILL be choosing Soy and supporting the gays"

: "I know right? It is totally for real I think, that dude is a minister for some church or something you know.
Damn churchy Americans are the worst.

I LOVE how he just sprouts information and statistics etc like it is actually real and based in actual study and all (notice how there where no references?)ie:
The “steady rise” of hauxmosexuality and the increased number of gheys.
Dude, read any ACTUAL study into it, the only increase is due to an increase in POPULATION, the percentage of gheys has remained pretty much EXACTLY the same (it's something like 7.7% or something) since they first started studies in like the 60’s.

What a cok."

Explanation: the language is occassionally odd - We need to disguise our expletives and code our talk for work computer scanning by the IT people network thing.

you totally loose your job over some of our conversation topics.....

pots and kettles

2007-01-09T22:12:48Z

Whilst briefly mentioning LJ yesterday in a group conversation

(I like to think of the mention more as an autumn leaf, gaily breezing by on a sunny breezy day, no more there than for the smallest of moments, gone like a dream before you even realise it..... Its not like I was praising Lj's worth from the rooftops with a mega phone or anything),

So for a minute there LJ became a topic of conversation and I recieved a tirade of hilarious Anti LJ abuse!

Abuser had the amusing audacity to critise content/writing styles/ and topics AND imply LJ writers are just a bunch of self romantic self deluded self induging freaks (point being?).

I then got told/asked by abuser to not mention her in my LJ,

since how she had been mentioned before by one of her 'friends' and then a random person had come up to her in the pub and said "hey I read about you on so and so's LJ" and "she just did not appreciate it".

- pretention much. er self-romantic-self-deluded-self-indulging-freak anyone?

Well anti LJ abuser - consider your self 'not' mentioned.

how perfectly gossipy would she be as an LJ friend! - some people can just not see what is good for them you know......

fickle as a pickle

2007-01-09T01:10:16Z

So I kindof got over 'chef girl' already.... (I am that fickle)

It turns out she has broken up with her g/f more recently than I had first anticipated,

Which whilst the rest of the Resbian world seem to read as code for "Awsome! single for a day and a half - dateable",

I do NOT want to date re-bound girl no matter how much delusion she or me shroud the relationship/each other/ X g/f 's in.

and more to the actual reason of why I am over it is, attempting to introduce a new friend into ones's life, my life (let alone new g/f) is like a whole frig of work.

I'm just not up for it at the moment.

I'm willing to:

                          shag a random stranger (if intoxicated enough),

                         Get MySpace and totally induge in pretentious cyberworld crushing

Since I have it on good authority anon:  "you need to get one. It is the best interwebs-stalking progression since I don’t know when. For both out-going and incoming stalker activity.Its ace." - this suits me since I (and anon are) major stalkers of the variety kind,

Or/and, have completely unobtainable crushes on completely unobtainable friends - so that I am safe in my 'situation' and never have to worry about 'taking it to the next level'

Everything else is - Too - Much - Work.

subetha @ 2007-01-05T08:57:00

2007-01-04T22:57:15Z

Yesterday shaunlamb questioned me and my stance in the 'Up & Go' 'ready made' 'breakfast in a tetra pak' 'liquid wheatbix' meal debate.

This began a whole stream of failry random slightly-interconnected thoughts and ideas leading to a short story about my new crush!

So it began, Up & Go's:

Being from the generation we are,

life does not get any better than ready made;
and since I'm guessing tetra was also invented in our life time..
for the astronauts or something, (?merh)

whats not to like?!

So said conversation/debate went back and forth,
(both of us being dubious at first about sugar/carb content and gross factor) concluded with a what the hey,

And set minds on flavours next.

Breakfast these days comes in Strawberry, Choco Ice, Banana, and the one we decided for - Ice Coffee

(both agreeing when you can kill twenty two birds with one stone, being requisite morning coffee as well you have hit a gold mine!).

Now I'm not sure I'm (leaving the physical experimentation for lamb himself) converting in actuality to this Up & Go breakfast business anytime soon,
but I am happy to talk on it and whats more,

we have already invented the off shoot product which is equally
if not more so Gold! than liquid breakfast! (much excitement followed at this point, and now we get to the sexy bits) see below

My new crush/girlfriend/loverrrrrr/hot lady chef girl (this girl is really none of these extra sweety things barring the slight crush
- but she IS pretty and has a nice name, I got to kiss her and she is totally worthy of a major LJ exaggeration entry)

so story, pretty chef girl works at a restaurant where corkage if like fifteen Dollars!
- that is per bottle. Maaahr!

And lamb and I were like (with lots of likes and ah's and american teen exclamations, or maybe bogan Australian ones - we were oscillating),

"is that an Up & Go bottle of wine - 'cause we is expecting a meal to come with that wine and $15."

And so the magic was made - our upselling sideline by product new invention liquid dinner was born! laugh hard,

Seriously though gross - weetbix in a wine, cripes no! this is hyperbole Maxxy, but restaurant chef girl is working at another world of expensive
and when you are on a roll with fitting breakfast meal/ daily coffee / on the run / neapolitan flavours / and astronauts into a $2.50 tetra pak
things can get kinda out-of-hand.

*********************************************************************

Sidebar: I thought I was classy b/c I had graduated from Birks to Campers - But, I dont even know what brand of shoes they wear at this kind of restaurant?

So I guess the only time lamb and I are getting a meal up and go or otherwise at chef girls work is if she does become my physical actual reality lover!G/F
and invites us along for freebies, or we become the multi millionaire entrepreneur types that this entry so espouses to!

*******************************************************************

Now that Up & Go has become our new verb of the moment, the further connotations of this product name are yet to be mapped for further exploration
- because laugh and a half , Up & Go - 'you do the math'! (Larkin shout out)

If anyone wants to check out this restaurant and buy me a dinner (and lesson me in the finner ways of life) go to

http://www.claudes.org/

(unfortunately there is no picture of chef girl at this website - but totally for more business - they ought to have her on there somewhere in a chef uniform
rrrroarrrpurr).

the disease age

2005-03-22T01:09:46Z

I haven't updated this in ages, b/c well, I just got really really over it. i felt like I was invading my own privacy! but after reading an age long amount of friends posts, the guilt pursuaded me to attempt some meaningful/humourous/interesting/factual/non story. any, either or none of the above.

So, a [what I previously thought] well educated friend of mine holed me up in my bedroom the other night [at an adlib party nonetheless] to talk seriously to me about the perils of my working in a gay bar - what with STD's and AIDs and the like, and what with me pashing other gays [this is me kissing the gay men on the cheek in all fun and affectation], and shock horror - the worst and most worrying aspect of the story - what with me BEING A GAY [translated as - me laughing an hour before whilst maryjanecassady and I ellaborated on the staff bullldyke street pash I had, my first drunken night out at the newtown].

So jeebers, I never realised that working with the gays meant that I was now at a high risk for hep/AIDs and all the rest, greeting with a kiss could be so diabolically disarming to ones health and sanity, and that sexing girls [or being a lesbian] meant that I was now in the same statistical group as the gay men for contracting the nasties. (sorry gay boys - I love you, but unfortunately it is true that the acts you do with that prod are more likely to get you in trouble than the things I do for my pleasure...).

friends - how could you let me go through life so uneducated to the shame and dirtiness of the gay world - HOW could you let me enter this world without an appropriate talk about their germs, Fuck, how did you let me even move to Newtown - with all the dangerous gays around, its a wonder I dont have Herpies just by association? Since that seems to be the way with these sexually transmitted diseases - and [only] the gays.

But ,as </b></a>ladydiamondc pointed out 'reassuring' me when I recounted this tale to her - " dont worry Em- the pretty ones dont get that stuff ".

the only problem with that theory now is, in my above friends' reality I am no longer safe in the pretty girl group.

I guess we can't all be as enlightened as some?

apple messages

2005-03-10T01:30:23Z

Site for the campaign to free Fiona Apple's new album from the depths of the sony sludge. www.freefiona.com

Sony are such fuckers.

that is all I need to say.

Oh and a new place to download music for free is at limewire - check it out. Except I think my computer is lacking the ability to find its sound at the moment,

if its not one thing, its another with new fangled technology....

there is lots of random fiona stuff here, which I am currently uploading.

the saga is seeing its end

2005-02-26T02:19:36Z

Well! ladydiamondc and I went to the DVD store yesterday and got soooo carried away! She on Seachange, and me on...DaDaDaDRummmmmmRolllllllllll, and a huge Ohmygosh - Labyrinth. Yes, Labyrinth has now finally finally been released onto DVD Again! In Australia. and for just a small fee of $50 I can purchase the special edition copy from my local Civic. Since I have no money this sounds a lot easier than it really is........I'm considering whoring myself,

or just, as </b></a>ladydiamondc</a> suggested - waiting till the non - limited edition, edition is available for a cheaper than cheap price of say $29.95.hmmm?

which, when you think about it, really isnt that much of a saving, and when you add the risk factor that it will all sell out Australia wide and I will be pushed into the same dilemma I faced about 20 or so journal entries ago....

the question of what to do become harder and more murky.

although, the possibility of whoring myself is fraught with its own set of difficulties and risk factors, it is an option....under the number one credit card purch possibility; and so I am in a quandary -

the black hole that is my memory

2005-02-22T07:23:59Z

Does anyone remember where I was on the 16th December? I think it was a Thursday. Was I in Brisbane shaunlamb . I know you rachibee were OS living it up...

maryjanecassady is anything written in your diary, do you remember possibly what you were doing on this day?

ladydiamondc I dont think so, but was I in Sydney, did we tete e tete?

I guess it is insignificant now, since I survived it, but it is odd, b/c I remember the 17th so vividly since that was Jason Madden's birthday, and I have a clear picture of myself contemplating over that.

but I cannot place my physical wearabouts for the life of me.....

the rules of carnage

2005-02-22T01:17:52Z

damn those frogs are loud, and they are really eating my nerves. if something isnt done, i am so bleaching them again. - you'd think they would have learnt.....

just got back from the country, which was a vortex of laziness if ever there was one. whatched copious dvd's and bonus features - (which basically doubled viewing time), ate potato chips, drank coke, blew up a network card, that kind of stuff.

found out who the flowers were from, only to come home to them dead and lying all about my floor - argh, the carnage.

and yes, i'm specifically leaving out who exactly, since those that need to know will, otherwise, all i can say is "oh....holy mother to the bastard of a son spawned from the bleacher full of bitches" - it makes only a small amount of sense.

AND, so, if someone gives you a really big bunch of beautiful - just what you could want - expensive flowers, is one obligated to repay in favour? the rules of gifting are so ambiguous.